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Gloria Starr is a professional speaker on Impression Management, Etiquette, Outstanding Communication Skills and Leadership. She offers these articles on a non-exclusive basis. Please include her name and contact information: Gloria Starr 704-596-9866 expert@gloriastarr.com Effective communication is an essential skill set in both our business and personal lives. As a certified NLP practitioner (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), I have experienced the power of mastering the art of rapport. The human brain processes information and stores our life experiences in the modalities of visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory and gustatory. In other words we remember things using our five senses. Research indicates that seeing, feeling and hearing are the three main modalities and each person operates primarily in one of these main modalities. Instant rapport can be established by matching and mirroring the person we are interacting with. The results are dramatic! To apply this valuable skill set it is imperative to become aware of the language pattern they are speaking in. Are they using VISUAL words such as: see, focused, crystal clear, it appears to me, you get the picture, take a dim view and a sight for sore eyes? Or perhaps they are using AUDITORY words such as: it sounds like, I gave him an earful, that's unheard of, that rings a bell, tongue-tied, just say it or tuned in. The other main modality is KINESTHETIC and this person will use words like: pull some strings, it boils down to, you can sense, can you imagine, touch base with, a pain in the neck and lay your cards on the table. When you have determined the style of communication the other person is most comfortable using, respond in the same manner and express your thoughts and ideas using the same modality. This is a sure-fire technique to establish rapport and people buy from those they know, like and trust. With a little practice this skill set will become second nature and ensure a huge advantage in the communication game. Sure Fire Confidence Builders Weigh the Consequences Learn to Laugh at Yourself Take a Deep Breathe Forget About Being Perfect Talk your Way to the Top Not speaking well can stop a
career in midstream. Speaking poorly may grate on the ears of the listener,
but seldom will well-mannered people tell you about it. Body
language is also a powerful form of communication. Just turn on the
television without the volume and you will be surprised at how another
person's feelings are showcased through their body language and posturing. yoroshika onegai shimasu...........Japanese
for "pleased to meet you" buenas noches..........Spanish for "good
evening" buon giorno..........Italian for "good
morning" Memorizing a few expressions and words will give you the meet-and-greet skills and the ability to make a selection from a menu in French, Spanish, Japanese, Italian and Swahili. Through my seminars and executive
coaching, I have had the opportunity to interact with people from many
cultures. The Charisma Factor People communicate with their entire
beings, not just their words. In fact, words account for only seven
percent of the message and the remaining ninety-three percent is based
on our visual presentation and our body language. It is a known fact
that our body language Before you can master a charismatic
or leadership presence it is imperative to know and understand a few
of the physiological assessments others are making on a subconscious
level. people Body Movements: Rhythmic or intermittent? Body swaying or motionless? Smooth or erratic movements? Eye Contact: Constant, fleeting, regular or irregular? Breathing: From the upper, middle or lower stomach? Regular or irregular? Muscle Tone: Are the facial muscles relaxed or tense? Observe the jaw muscles and the muscles around the eyes. Quality of the Voice: Tempo...fast
or slow? Loud or soft? Volume...soft, normal or loud? Your voice communicates your natural leadership presence as much as five times more powerfully than that actual words spoken. You must develop a powerful, graceful voice. The powerful presence of charismatic leaders stems from their ability to communicate their emotions. Charismatic leaders have an intense mental focus on their message and their thoughts do not stray. The Charismatic Person has a passionate commitment, uses optimistic language, is emotionally expressive and has a high level of personal congruency. Making An Entrance - The Pause That Impresses Important people get noticed immediately. With a combination of attitude and actions, top people exude an aura of self-confidence and control when they make an entrance. They are in control of the situation, the impression they make on others and in control of themselves. Successful people are apt to pause when they enter a room. A pause that impresses is not necessarily a long pause. It is not a pause of hesitation or indecisiveness. It is a purposeful, strategic, psychological or conversational "break in the action." A purposeful pause ensures that you don't go unnoticed. Nervous, self-conscious people tend to hurry. Confident people pause. They know that several seconds of silence increase their power base. Pause when entering a room. Stop briefly in the doorway to make your presence known. Never assume an apologetic air. Pause when entering the limelight . Even a slight pause ensures more control over the audience. Pause during one-on-one interactions. Strategic silences allow you to emphasize important points and maintain control of the conversation. A pause has a very powerful impact as it announces your presence nonverbally, provides you with an opportunity to look people in the eye and calmly size up the situation. You can set yourself apart with just the slightest pause. The Four Rules of Intimacy Psychologists have established a few basic rules of distance between people in both personal and business situations. In the first five minutes there are personality dynamics at work that have a great deal to do with determining psychological intimacy. Distances people use in communicating with one another can be divided into four categories, beginning with the least intimate and moving to the most intimate. The categories are: lecture distance, business distance, personal distance and intimate distance. Lecture distance is more than twelve feet from another person. Business distance is a range of twelve feet to four feet. Usually exhibited in business situations, store clerks, conversations on the street and other casual meetings. Personal distance is from four feet to one and a half feet. Personal distance is showcased between business associates who know one another fairly well or who are working together on a project. Intimate distance is from one and a half feet to eighteen inches or less. This range is reserved for intimate business friends, long-time partners, members of the business family or someone you are seriously interested in. These are unwritten rules and
should be respected. People indicate through their body language the
comfort level they have with you. Learn to read the subtle messages
and earn their trust and the right to do business with them. People
buy from those they know, like The Four Seasons of Intimacy During the first five minutes of a
meeting the expected distance is between twelve and four feet. There
are several different stages of business and social intimacy involving
people from twelve to four feet away. Let's refer to these stages as "seasons." Not
as is the seasons of the year but as in degrees of warmth. The order
has to do with increasing business intimacy. The four seasons are: the
eye season, the body season, the lean season and the touch season. The "lean" season represents increased business intimacy. Eye contact has been established, the bodies are facing one another for maximum viewing and accessing. Intimacy is increased as they lean forward, usually from the hips. The "touch" season represents the final closing of the circuit of intimacy. When you touch the other person with your hand, business intimacy has been completed and trust has been established. The handshake is the ultimate seal of confidence and assurance and many business deals have been sealed with a handshake. Communicate For Results The foundation of personal and professional success lies in understanding yourself, understanding others and realizing the impact of your behavior on others. There are four primary behavior/communication styles: Dominant, Influence, Steadiness and Conscientious. The Dominate person is logical and unemotional. They are reserved and distant. They want facts and accurate information. They are not swayed by your enthusiasm or personality. They ask penetrating questions and demand specific responses. The Influencing person is friendly and outgoing. They are easy to approach and work through challenges by talking them out with friends and co-workers. They enjoy doing business over lunch, are sociable and love to entertain. The Steadiness person is easy going, steady and dependable. They are good team players and are content to work in the background. They like quiet recognition. The Conscientious person needs facts and details before they will come to a decision. They are task focused. Each of us will have one dominate style and a secondary behavioral style. A good team consists of people who exhibit all of the above behavioral styles. Power People Control People Power People know who they are and what they want out of life, and they have a very realistic sense of how to get it. They always have a game plan. They chart their own course and do their own thinking. When they lead, others follow. They are effective and get results. Power people are builders and creators. Power people are straight forward and they "shoot from the hip." They place a high value on achievement and they get satisfaction from their accomplishments. They find joy in their lives and see good in the world. History's prominent Power People are celebrated as our heroes and leaders. Many of these people are showcased in the "halls of fame" and the history books. They are Nobel Prize winners and citizens of the year. They enjoy successful careers, are doing well in school and/or are raising happy families. Generally they are pleasant people to be around and you leave feeling better for their company and their positive energy. Control People are up only if someone else is down. Their tendency is to destroy or tear down other people and their accomplishments. You can never drop your guard around these people. You can't do business with these people and stay honest with your values. They are the bullies and they throw their weight around. They pick on the underdog. Whether their style is physical violence or subtle psychological warfare, their aim is to control other's actions and reactions. Control People are insecure, miserable souls. Certain types of relationships tend to breed control behavior. Dependence brings out impudence. Abuse provokes revenge. Control people in authority foster it in others. Controlling parents pass it along to their children. The control people resent and envy the power people. They get their biggest payoffs from getting away with things and from being in control. To destroy a control person, get him in a position where he is forced to admit, publicly and to himself, that he is wrong. Control People can operate only if Victims are available. Power People don't need victims. Victims are the objects of someone else's control, and without them the Control People would be out of business. Victims are confused and ignorant people who lack direction, motivation, strength, and competence. Victims allow people to influence them to their own disadvantage. Victims don't make it into the history books, except as statistics. Most of us have both Power and Control tendencies. In some areas our vulnerabilities leave us open to other people's control, making us a Victim. Dealing with Control People the "win-win" model breaks down. Power people use their performance power to attain their goals. Control People use their physical skills to bully or intimidate, their shrewdness to manipulate, and their wit to embarrass or humiliate. People use sex and money as instruments of control. Power People spend their dollars wisely. Control People spend their dollars to make an impact on others through flashy jewelry, fur coats, $150,000. cars, and designer labels with astronomical price tags. Be aware, choose wisely. Actions speak louder than words. The Power of Positive Reinforcement Most of us as busy people have a "to do" list. You probably write your list and then cross the items off one by one, usually beginning with the easy things on the list to give yourself a sense of accomplishment. Occasionally, at the end of the day you remember something that you accomplished during the day that wasn't on the list.....so, you stop and put it on your list and cross it off with a flourish. Yes, one more thing accomplished today! Only one problem, you have been rewarding
yourself for doing the least important, fun or easy things. When
you reward yourself for doing these things of lesser importance, your
to-do list will become The feeling of being overwhelmed or the fear factor stops us from tackling our biggest challenges and our highly leveraged activities first. Generally when you hesitate or resist doing something the reason is fear of failure. Fear blocks our success. Fear is an expensive habit. Feel the fear and do it anyway! May I suggest that you reward yourself for doing the critical and most important things and the world will reward you as well. The process of rewarding yourself is called positive reinforcement. When you reward yourself for your successes and your positive actions, you will find that you will have more and more successes...almost effortlessly. Experience the exhilaration of success. You deserve it! Ambassador Tips Just image you were being video taped every waking hour of your day. If you knew the camera was rolling, how would you stand, how would you get in and out of a car, how would you eat that bowl of soup or fast-food burger? Would you really dump the contents of your ash tray out the window of your car, would you really chew gum in public? Would you really put your feet up on the desk? Think of yourself as an ambassador. How would the ambassador of your company act, look and speak? What gestures, body stances or social graces would you exhibit as the ambassador? I worked in Singapore a few years ago and was thrilled to find that gum chewing was non-existent. When the decree came down, gum was abolished in Singapore within twenty-four hours. For those visual learners, think of a cow chewing its cud and liken that to a person chewing gum. Not a pleasant, sight is it? If a person throws a cigarette butt on the street in Singapore, a fine is levied for $1000. If you think of a person licking an ash tray, the immediate reaction would be "yuck." Could this not be likened to kissing a smoker? Perhaps a little controversial however, it's food for thought. You are known by the company you keep and the places you frequent. Gloria Starr is a professional speaker on Impression Management, Etiquette, Outstanding Communication Skills and Leadership. She offesr this article on a non-exclusive basis. Please include her name and contact information: Gloria Starr 704-596-9866 expert@gloriastarr.com Etiquette training business etiquette etiquette expert finishing school dress for success mentoring program image consultant image consulting etiquette school executive coaching table etiquette corporate trainer communication skill training executive business coaching impression management image impact personal development personal development training corporate image professional speaker executive coach corporate seminars professional communication speaker business manners make overs gloriastarr.com Gloria Starr International Expert in Image, Etiquette, Communication Home | Site
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